Monday, 26 March 2012

Questions , Questions and more questions ...I will try and answer some today ..

Well the first thing is I started out wanting to be a stay at home mum when I was a child, I remember sitting in a career room at school and depsite having been accepted into a good grammar school, taking my exams early and achieving very well I sat there pondering the questionaire -
did I want to work by myself - no I would feel lonely and would lack motivation to get started
did i want to work with others - no I am very sensitive to criticism and a stickler for rules (I was the child who everyone hated because i told on them - I was the child who scared that the teacher was realy going to box our ears for not learning our 6 times tables laid all night crying with a water bottle)
Did I want to work outside - well sometimes but then I hhave always had difficulties with maintaining body temperature and easily got too hot or too cold and would find this restricting
Did I want to work inside - well yes but sometimes i would yearn to be in the fresh air as I am an artist at heart and I love being out in nature
So did I want to work in a garden or natural environement - well no as I don't like dirt and getting my hands dirty as a child would really upset me , if anything my talent was i loved cleaning and sorting and organising, colour matching and painting so what did this leave me?
I told the career lady I wanted to have ten children , breastfeed them all ,live on a farm grow my own produce and live off the land as nature intended making my own products and spending my time at home baking and cleaning and smelling fresh laundry hearing the laughter of children and the pounding of excited feet - she was so shocked she almost fell of her seat! Not what she had in mind for me clearly.
 I began training at the London college of business and then got a lucky break working for a temping service as a black and white marketing rep running around beauty salons, I did a bit here and there as a teenager including working as a departmental manager in a perfumery dept . I was trained as a bueaty consultant and had business skills, but I chose to move to the USA , study child psychology as that seemed to be what was expected at the time. I got married and had 3 children with my Italian first husband , by the time the youngest was born I had not worked for several years and we had returned to the Uk , due to unexpected events I found myself a single mum with 3 small children , I was lucky I met my 2nd husband and went on to have two more children by him , again life threw a curve ball and I found myself single again , In 2004 I chose to use some of my divorce settlement to attempt to fix my body , I had spent 15 years in the voluntary charity sector and published a lot of my work in various magazines and jointly published books .Little did I know that my life  would soon turn upside down robbing me of several years of what I loved most - being an at home mum.
 I had my 6th child and new instantly something was not right, I became very ill. I had a hysterectomy after some odd gynecological  issues and a series of strange chest and abdominal pains which were all put down to my 6th child actually being my 15th pregnancy.
 Then I was sent for tests as it appeared I was suffering from MS/Carpal Tunnell/Sjourns/raynauds/FMS/CF , recurring bells palsy along with repeated immunity problems and constant skin rashes which no one could explain.
 In 2009 I had what appeared to be a lung embolism followed by a mini stroke leaving my semi paralysed and in my chair. At first I accepted it and then I decided I wanted my life back. Got to stop time to cook dinner - I'll be back

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

How I became known as MOP lol :-) I was sent this link ..

Sunday, 8 March 2009 at 22:25 ·
 We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ...
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?


Teenage Dares

b Sunday, 15 March 2009 at 11:23 ·
I thought I had better write a note regarding teenage dares and the feeling of thinking they can handle anything by themselves. I have always been proud of my eldest son Victor ,he like most teenagers has made mistakes the biggest almost costing him his life. Just 24 hours ago he was facing the reality of having drunk 2 litres of vodka at a party that I did not even know he was attending! The kids panicked and loaded his unconscious body onto a snow board and dragged him up the road.They called me to say he was unwell .When I arrived he was laying face down unresponsive. Trousers down,no shoes .I bundled him into the car I saw two young boys who I did not recognise who I assumed had come out from the church hall as lights were on there and the door was opened.I much later discovered these were the other friends of Victors who had been called my someone at the party but that they had no idea the severity of the situation.
On arriving at hospital the crew took over resus. It was not until 3am that he was able to be moved to a ward. He received 3 litres of fluids in the trauma unit ,he was intubated and set up on oxygen and Iv. When Victor finally awoke he had no recollection of what he had been through at the hospital.Fortunately he was then discharged yesterday afternoon.
I just wanted to thank everyone for their support. I just hope this serves as a warning to anyone considering downing such a large quantity of alcohol,my boy almost lost his life ,thankfully he is home now and feeling better.Vic at 1.30am taken on my mob phone.

Why I have to go to the physio and the neurologist - Spasticity ! WOOT!WOOT!

Friday, 20 March 2009 at 11:27 ·
What is spasticity?
It can be described as involuntary muscle contractions that are not coordinated with other muscles or as stiff muscles which resist passive movement; it can also refer to a wide range of involuntary muscle spasms.

Spasticity may also produce feelings of pain or tightness in and around joints, and can cause low back pain.

It is a condition in which muscle tone becomes greatly increased. Muscle tone is what enables people to move limbs or hold a position therefore people with this kind of spasticity can indeed stand up strongly however walking itself can be laboured.

What causes spasticity?

The regulation of muscles is a complex, finely controlled and delicate mechanism which involves the brain sending information to the muscles and receiving sensory feedback from them.

Spasticity can be very painful and, depending on the affected muscles, can result in an uncoordinated gait, stiff or deformed posture and shortening of the range of limb movement. It can be a permanent feature or brought on by a variety of factors such as fatigue, heat, humidity or infection or by sudden movements or position changes; it can even be triggered by tight clothing.

Other symptoms related to spasticity are :-

Spasms - powerful uncontrollable muscle contractions which can be extremely painful and can be triggered in many ways e.g. coughing, sneezing or a full bladder

Contracture - when muscles become shortened and fix a limb in one position
How is spasticity treated or managed?

It is important to understand that left untreated, spasticity can lead to serious complications, including contractures i.e. frozen or immobilized joints and pressure sores.

Treatment by physiotherapy

Because spasticity varies so much from person to person, it should be treated on an individual basis by a personal physiotherapist whether it be as a referral from a Neurologist to a hospital physiotherapy department, or a private one.

I have suffered with this since 2004 .I see a neurologist and tried physio ,even tried accupuncture , ouch!

My eyes and Optic Neuritis and Uhthoff's symptoms ,corneal abrasion..yay?

Friday, 20 March 2009 at 11:31 ·
1. What is it Optic Neuritis?

• Optic Neuritis is inflammation with accompanying demyelination of the Optic Nerve which serves the retina of the eye. It is a variable condition in which vision can be severely or moderately affected. It can either affect one only or both eyes concurrently or at different times and is usually reversible, with in some cases spontaneous recovery occurring.

2. What are the symptoms of Optic Neuritis?

• Blurring of vision occurs in around 58% of optic neuritis cases. This can range from mild blurriness in 34% of cases, through moderate (12%), to severe or total loss of light perception (complete blindness) in 54% of cases.

• Eye pain occurs in 53% to 88% of optic neuritis presentations. Sometimes pain is only noticeable with eye movement, sometimes pain preceded an episode of blurred vision, or a general eye ache, sometimes a headache gripping the affected eye, or a generalised dull headache.

• Reduced colour vision occurs in 100% of optic neuritis cases. Typically this is reported as a reduction in colour vividness, particularly reds.

• Visual flashing sensations brought about by side-to-side eye movement or sound often occur with optic neuritis. They are most obvious in a dimly lit room. Obscuration of the visual field in bright light is another common symptom of optic neuritis and many people with ON, particularly those with a chronic condition, report that they see better in dimly lit rooms. It is likely that both of these symptoms are caused by fluctuating interference of the nerve transmissions along the visual pathways.

• Uhthoff's symptom, the worsening of symptoms with heat or exhaustion, is present in about 58% of cases of Optic Neuritis.

• “For me, it's all white, like living in a heavy fog. Sometimes I think I can almost see movement, especially if there's a lot of light. Conversely, I'm photophobic so too much light hurts and gives me a headache . I had some eye pain and that sort of thing- I still do now and then and one eye seems to get more light than the other.”

• “Optic Neuritis was my first presenting symptom of MS, picked up by my optician when I went with what I thought was a flash in my eye. I woke up one morning with a sort of flash like sensation at the top of my left eye.

This first time, it cleared up by itself in about 10 days but almost immediately went into the other eye. The best way I can describe it is the vision just disappeared from the centre of my eye as if someone had put a huge thumbprint on my glasses that wouldn't wipe off. Reds were also very bright and some colours had a washed outlook to them. Reading was a no-no as parts of words just wouldn't be there and when the blurring happened, I just couldn't see anything on the page.

Left eye after Corneal abrasion

MS or Fibromyalgia - who cares I need a hug !

MS Hug - who the heck named it that hugs are supposed to be nice! Gentle Fibro hug is what I need ..

Friday, 20 March 2009 at 11:37 ·
I was told in MAU that this 'could' be a rational explanation for my symptoms but that despite the following info it is not particularly due to MS alone! - many with fibromyalgia feel this same effect ..

Firstly, a physiological explanation:-

There are tiny muscles between each rib, called intercostal muscles which basically hold the ribs together, but also give the ribcage some flexibility; it's when these muscles go into spasm that we get the MS hug, a friendly description of an extremely uncomfortable and often painful symptom.

Secondly, these are personal descriptions of how it feels:-

To start with it's more of a burning pain than a crushing one which begins in the back. Some are lucky and catch it in time so there it stays. However it can sometimes move around to the front, and if it travels all the way around then it does indeed feel like being hugged by a boa constrictor! Some rarely get it as high as the chest and usually stays confined to the midriff area. At its worst, it can last for several days.
It feels as if I’m wearing a very tight rubber band which stretches from under my arms to below the waistline; the band gets tighter and tighter until it becomes difficult to breath. It feels very constricting and although not all that painful, is very uncomfortable. I don’t feel hungry because of the perceived pressure on my stomach.
I find myself holding my arm folded across my abdomen in order to ease the discomfort and find I can't breathe deeply enough to get my breath. I tried taking my asthma inhalers thinking these would help but because it's a skeleto-muscular thing, they gave no relief.
I have excruciating chest pains which take my breath away, however heart tests have shown that my heart is healthy but because of the recurrent nature of this, I was told it was the MS Hug or ‘Girdle’.
Thirdly, how do we deal with or treat these symptoms? Because of the varying severity of the Hug, there are many ways and these are some recommended, again by MS patients :-

My Neurologist sanctioned my GP to prescribe a 2mg diazepam pill along with Naproxen and I have to admit it only lasts a few hours by taking that combination.

I find that warmth is something which helps. I use a warm blanket or hot water bottle and find that the more I relax the more the tightness goes away. The best thing for me though is to lay down and be cosy. Being outstretched helps the feeling of restriction on the diaphragm and being warm helps to relax enough for the pain to dissipate.

Fatigue not Laziness! can you feel the difference?

Friday, 20 March 2009 at 11:48 ·
Fatigue is not just tired muscles. It is the effect of the disease on the nerves which go to the muscles; and also the effect of the disease on the sensory nerves. The sensory nerves affect touch, sight, taste, smell and hearing. So when you get fatigued, you can sometimes experience blurring of vision or slurring of speech.

What happens when you get fatigued can differ from person to person. Fatigue often worsens existing symptoms, or can bring on symptoms which only happen when you are fatigued. Also, old symptoms can come back, with the nasty habit of reminding you of your last attack. Severe fatigue can also bring on episodes of vertigo, where the ceiling spins.

You can also feel ill, as if you have flu. There are certain things which can bring on fatigue. When you know what these things are, fatigue is easier to avoid. What brings on fatigue can differ from person to person.

However, some of the most common things are: a hot day, humid weather, a hot bath, over-exertion, over-tiredness, a heavy meal, smoking and stress. Fatigue can also be one of the major symptoms of a food allergy.

Why Do You Get Fatigued?

Any movement of any muscle requires energy. Energy starts from glucose, and to convert glucose into energy the muscle needs oxygen. Oxygen is brought to the muscle by the blood circulating through it. If there is not enough oxygen because of poor circulation, substances like lactic acid accumulate and prevent the muscles from working. The oxygen supply to the muscles is increased when the blood flow is improved by exercise.

Of course, the whole process of energy production and muscle contraction is a highly complex one. However, it is important to understand the essential link between blood-flow, oxygen and the working of the muscles. Fatigue happens when the blood flow, hence the oxygen flow to the muscles, is inadequate.

Fatigue can also be caused as a direct result of damage to the central nervous system. This can cause heat sensitive fatigue and result in feeling of lassitude.


One of the problems about having Fibromyalgia is that many people - particularly those who are young and energetic - want to prove that they can still do all the things they used to. So they over-compensate and make themselves ill by over-exertion. Young people with Fibromyalgia who have not told their employer, their workmates, or even their family, are more at risk of over-exertion. The ones who seem to suffer most from over-exertion are wives.

Time and time again, women in that situation are called ‘lazy’ if they do not visibly do all the chores. A woman with fibromyalgia may feel so weak  she is only fit to slump in the armchair. Not wanting to be labelled ‘lazy’ or ‘selfish’, many of these women force themselves to cook a meal, clean the house, do the laundry, the ironing, or whatever. The kind of chores which women are expected to do are particularly energy-consuming. The easiest place to suffer from over-exertion is in the home. Fatigue is the likely result.

Many women suffer this kind of unfair treatment from their families because they may look perfectly O.K. The ‘invisible’ symptoms of fybromyalgia, such as fatigue, are not obvious to other people in the same way as a limp or a hacking cough. Continual over-exertion such as this can only lead to trouble; worsening symptoms are almost inevitable as there is no let-up in the constant strain.

Post done by my dd just after reading a book my sis leant me ,laid up in hospital again..

"The Buddha,Geoff + me" by Edward lantor-Dumas

Sunday, 12 April 2009 at 10:50 ·
"nothing prepares you for the moment when you meet the person who's going to change your life it's not the problem that's the problem,it's how you how you see it, how you react.' 'Because if you have basic confidence in yourself - whaat i'd call a higher life state-the same problem might make you wound up for a bit, or hacked off or confused, but underneath you'll know that even if it's difficult, somehow in the end, you'll find a way through! So the real question isn't 'what is your problem?' it's 'what is your life state? and how can you raise it?' Lifes unpredictable it's always changing and stuff is always going to happen so unless we develop some kind of inner strength, when the bad stuff happens we're just going to be overwhelmed, aren't we ?'

My Bodhisattva nature-the part of my life that just insists on doing good. "Good by the inches invites evil by the god"

This is Sophia (Amanda's Daughter) i wrote this for her, as she is in hospital. She is getting better but still is in pain.

A bit of nonsense for today .. fact or fiction?

Thursday, 16 April 2009 at 22:37 ·
Something I learned whilst in A & E , the term Hypocondriac which is used today to mean someone who believes themselves to have an illness,but who does not comes from the 1900s...You an see that there is a part top right and top left covering stomach area , during these times of tight corsets women would flood to hospital in genuine pain but back then with no modern technology they were told they were imagining the pain as they were generally in good health.They discovered the pain was due to a contricted stomach and a build of matter that had not been digested correctly in the hypocondrium,and the term came from there , as they had no disease it was self induced fashion,vanity ...that had caused the pain !!!

Question is this a fact or an old wives tale ..mmmm?

If you think Darling Buds of May had some interesting childrens names...

Monday, 24 August 2009 at 20:49 ·
What did you name your child and how did you come up with the name??........

My 6th child:
Candy- because whilst was pregnant I picked up a newspaper for the verfirst time and began reading it cover to cover for the pure hell of it and with it camea free cd by Kathryn Williams called Candy says ..the lyrics meant something to me at the time and I just knew I wanted my baby to b called Candy
Candie – was the abbreviation of this name too and based upon general feeling that Candy sounded like a hookers name I looked for other versions but when I reaised at 27 weeks that I really might lose my baby I noticed as I wrote out her names that it spelt Can Die ..It made me feel awful and when it came to registering the birth I spoke to mum and we agreed adding her name would give me Candice and it felt just right!
Candice – the name that you with all of Chloes initials together – it means pure
Chloe- blooming (-oe:
Amabel- loved one
Natasha- after Kinski a movie Victoria and I watched with FIBS , Oh yes. And it means a child of Christmas which is when I was expected to have her originally as up until her I’d always gone to 42 weeks !!
Desiree-after my girlfriend at the time whose shoulder I cried on that year ,she lived in Hong Kong and we spoke over the net weekly and met up in the Summer two years on the trot-Oh It means ‘desired’
Imogen- taken from Cymboline who loved Posthumus great book..Shakespeares last hurra and mine too! quote : “I would have broke my eye-strings, crack’d them, but To look upon him, till the diminution Of space had pointed him sharp as my needle: Nay, followed him, till he had melted from The smallness of a gnat, to air: and then Have turned my eyes, and wept.” – BTW it means ‘innocent’.
Carol- joyous song and of course my middle name and mums 1st name !!
E+++lastname – because I registered her alone and her dad could not to be present to register her birth and that was my last name at the time.
Now that she has her daddy home she has changed her name by depole to CC Sharp (Chloe Carol Sharp , CC meaning the 6th !)

My 5th child
QUTIE ..and what a cutie he was !!
Quentin after Tarantino would you believ but also because he was my 5th child and it just seemed nicer than Mambo number 5 which was also suggested at the time by Andy and the kids.
Ullysses ..from the book..another fav of mine ‘In ward wary the watcher hearing come that man mildhearted eft rising with swire ywimpled to him her gate wide undid. Lo, levin leaping lightens in eyeblink Ireland's westward welkin. Full she dread that God the Wreaker all mankind would fordo with water for his evil sins. Christ's rood made she on breastbone and him drew that he would rathe infare under her thatch. That man her will wotting worthful went in Horne's house.
– it means angry one and by golly was he and is he ever the angry one ..he came out angry and I swear he lives up to his name!
Timothy – honouring god – one of my fav boys names and chosen to compliment Phoebes names
Iain , suggested by granddad Dave and I liked it so much I added it at the last minute

My fourth child:
PJSEast was A++’s aol screen name when I first met him online. He said it stood for Paul John Smith and that he was in the South East. Of course he later confessed it was all rubbish and he was called Andy …funny no one called him that in his family they all thought it odd that I called him A+++ .Anyway I wanted to use those initials and had she been a boy she would hae been Paul James Simon of Pjs for short.
Phoebe - the wise
Jayne –means god’s gracious gift.. plus I had always loved the name Jayne I even suggested it when mum had Sam!!! She was indeed a gift…I had actually miscarried a baby just a few weeks before her conception with the mirena coil in place. I was surprised to find that I would fall so quickly.Anyway I spent that xmas in hospital I miscarried again and I was due for a d n c in the morning but I felt so sick and I could not go through with it without being show a scan . We looked at the screen and expected to hear confirmation of the miscarriage and instead we were shown our Phoebe on the screen a non identical twin ..thi was the 2nd time that I as told that I was ovulating overtime and that I had obviously had two separate about that for a gift ..
Serena – tranquil…mainly because poor phoebe was my most peaceful baby inside me I never felt her move and rarely felt her kick as a result of which she was my most monitored baby as they had to trace her movements practically daily towards the end of my preganancy to be sure that she was ok.
E++++last name

My 3rd child:
Sophia – I actually wanted Sofia as in Queen of Spain but decided to go with UKversion- it means wisdom
Mina – in remembrance of
Irene – peace, It was my nanny’s name and I was sure she would have liked to see I had thought of her.
At the time I was having a bad time with my ex and I really was convinced that having a baby girl would finally bring us the peace we needed after such a hard time.As I have mentioned before we lost everything when we left the US and when I was pregnant we were finally housed and I really did believe that if I changed the name I was thinking of for my baby I might actually make a much needed girl..I had until then insisted my daughter would be Amelia half Amanda half Exhubbys name but my ex mother inlaw and my ex sister in law said that they had never heard of such a stupid reason to come up with a name and that the devil was at work and that if I continued to insist that I would name my child that I would continue to miscarry and be cursed with another son..weird huh?

My second child:
Xavier - Okay originally he was going to be Salvatore named after a very respected friend of the family who I adored, sadly . before x was born he died in his wifes arms and I thought it kinder to seek a new name. It means ‘bright’ I liked the idea of the fact that Salvatore was Saviour and that Xavier would sound similar .Coincidentally My Gps middle name was Xavier at the time so it was familiar to me and I figured that I would shorten it to Chevi you remember how it just never stuck?
Alexander – ‘protector of men’ after Alexander the great ‘to defend’ another popular name in the family tree
Pietro – the very first C+++last name on his family tree 1917, it had been used time and time again and it means rock stone , theres a lovely bit in the bible ‘thou art Peter and upon this rock I will build my church’..Xavier was my rock ,my stabiliser and still is !

My first child:
VALC Valencia/ Alicante luggage tags on my suitcase inspired this one!!
Victor – after Grandad and Victoria, it means conqueror, and was used in the bible in reference to Christ’s victory over death.
Alberto- Emilios fathers name,one of those every 1st born son name thingys…it means noble/bright
Lorenzo – Emilio’s middle name and Albertos 2nd midde name etc etc ..this one comes from the term ‘laurentius’ of Laurentium an ancient Italian town of olive groves.The first of whom was martyred in 258 by being roasted on a gridiron!!

Okay your turn ....  please post your unusual names I love hearing about them -having gone through a grand total of 15 pregnancies I spent a lot of my time looking at baby name origins books ...

The ideomotor effect - worth reading if you have a minute or two..

Friday, 18 December 2009 at 11:33 ·
The scope of the ideomotor effect. Below is an extract explaining briefly how this works . We came across the notion whilst reading a book by Derren Brown in which he explains his 'trick' of table tipping and ouja board experiment along with pendulum control. We tried the pendulum test last night and sure enough the ideomotor effect was very apparent in 3 of my kids, but not in one of my sons however we then trialed another experiment which did not work for the three of them and yet he seemed to get it right every time even when asked to leave the room so that he could not cheat interesting observation...power of belief ...Interestingly enough Derren Brown participated in a Ouija experiment he fed the others information about a woman who had supposedly died recently and fed them clues that there was a suspicion that the death was not caused by natural causes ,sure enough the board came up with her name ( although she never existed) shortly after the word murderer ( well as she was a make believe person this was also nonsense) he continued to the point where he then asked for his grandfathers name and the board spelled very quickly the Name Rupert his Grandfathers name was Fred ! But of course you can imagine that years ago many a charlotan would have taken cues and tells and made up all sorts of nonsense and the only facts that rang true would be recalled later and exagerated ...makes you wonder ...

The ideomotor effect was first recognised as early as the beginning of the 19th century, although Carpenter did not name it as such until 1852. It came to be recognised when scientists looked into 19th century fascinations such as dowsing, pendulums, table tipping in séances, automatic writing, Ouija boards etc. It being a non-paranormal explanation for the results of these practises.

In more modern times, the ideomotor effect has shown itself to be prevalent in medical quackery, especially in the diagnosis of ailments. Radionic devices; chiropractors' rubbing plates; applied kinesiology; and radiesthesia, medical dowsing often with crystals; are examples of where the ideomotor effect is what is actually going on rather than real medical diagnosis.

Another disturbing area where the ideomotor effect shows up is in the pseudoscientific practise of "facilitated communication". This is where people who are otherwise unable to communicate, due to say autism or cerebral palsy, have their hand held over a keyboard by a person known as a "facilitator". When asked questions, the disabled person is now able to communicate with help from the facilitator by typing out answers on the keyboard.

Of course what is really going on is that it's the facilitator who's giving the answers; albeit unconsciously.


1.The ideomotor effect causes small, unconscious motor movements because of the person's expectations, preconceptions or suggestibility.
2.The person is not aware that they are causing the movements; therefore they ascribe the movement to an external force or power. The movement feels unnatural.
3.The "external forces" perceived are usually thought of as being paranormal in nature.
4.The effect is real and therefore can be repeated. This can lead to self-reinforcement of the paranormal explanation of the effect, which can create a belief in some special paranormal ability.
5.Once a belief is formed and reinforced, the believer does not usually ever give it up. Dowsers, healers, etc., who continually fail to pass objective, scientific tests do not give up their belief: they tend to make (often fantastical) excuses for their failures rather than accept a rational explanation for their "ability".

The ideomotor effect has been known for over 150 years, yet it is still not a widely known phenomenon. It tends to be used, rightly, as an explanation for dowsing and the Ouija board. Its scope however, is much wider than that and it should be a more widely known explanation for delusions, especially those of medical quacks.

The ideomotor effect is a classic example of how we can be fooled by our senses and ourselves. Many people believe in things because they have experienced them for themselves; they trust in the perceived infallibility of their senses.

The ideomotor effect is just one example of why we should use objective, scientific testing rather than rely on subjective, personal experience to work out what is real and what is not.

The hall - my perception as i was being rapidly wheeled through it was then captured on hubby's Mobile phone when he arrived at the hospital...reality V perception ..back to basics x

Brief catch up :-) Wednesday, 9 December 2009 at 11:52

Just thought I would add a note now that I am finally allowed to have a supervised shower with adaptations !! Red tape we had to go through is finally over on this front - thank goodness. Now for the ongoing battle of Diagnosis versus Symptom list lol !
Had a good chat with my occupational therapist today and it does seem rather funny that no one is willing to commit themselves to either a definitive diagnosis or prognosis, I think I just have to accept that they simply do not know . But that the current meds I am on work so that is a blessing in itself .
My days have changed somewhat since I last wrote about them . I begin my day at 8am and on waking I have to apply Celluvisc drops to my eyes as I have epithelial disease (dry eye) and keritis and monocular diplopia ( double vision). My carer arrives from social services at about 8.30 and helps me wash/shower/dress and gets me downstairs into my mobility chair for the day.I have the luxury of having my hair washed and dried at home because some days I am unable to raise both hands at the same time due to a combination of paraesthesia and pain coupled with muscle spasms.
Then it is time for me to take my Lansoprazole ( for acid reflux) before I eat my very early meal on wheels at 11.30 am ! Then it's more eye drops which I have to say taste awful despite taking them 4 times daily they never taste any better ! ! You can taste them going down the back of your throat even though I do put them in my eyes not my mouth !!

Then I have from about 1pm till 3pm to myself so I usually read and catch up on emails or call my mum.

My evening routine is surrounding myself with several medial boxes and my Nomad which has the remaing pills in it .
My Nomad contains my Psychiatric medication Seroquel 300 mg  to aid my sleep
along with my Psycologists favourite Fluoxetine 20mg ( this one helps my mood)
Diazepam ( for my muscle spasms)
Bisocodyl ( for my IBS )
Naproxen- tastes horrid and I swear was developed for horses not humans!( for Musculoskeltal pain ) Algesal cream applied to my aching muscle groups ( a local analgesic)
anti inflammatory eye oitment called Cusi Antiedema to prevent me from going through another Corneal tear as my eyelids have this daft habit of adhering to my corneas when i sleep and they tear open the scars - a minor nuisance lol.
I have prism glasses now to correct my double vision which is caused by an unknown swelling behind both of my eyes, been assured its nothing to worry about but that they have no idea what caused it .

Tramadol 50mg which is my least favourite pill ( centrally acting analgesic)but it works a treat and is quite often the only pill that gets rid of the chronic pain in my back,neck and ribcage.

It amazes me that each doctor can seriously only focus on an individual symtom but I have to say that so far my pills are working , I am in less pain ( not pain free yet) , and I have to say when I have a bad day I no longer feel guilty , I rest knowing that soon it will be over and I will be back to my sense of 'normal' again . Now all I am awaiting are the results to my cognitive test ,,,fingers crossed hey xx

Locked back inside my quiet cell

 Tuesday, 5 April 2011 at 18:49 ·
Alarm !  Awake, my vision blurred
'What next?' .. the damn door bell
Carer here, undeterred
'Not feeling very well?'
I reply, speech still slurred
'Oh I'm fine', (I feel like hell!)
Pills down, truth unheard
Strip washed, 'almost fell'
With help, weight transferred
I joke 'Show and tell'
Her reply ..Not a word
Suddenly a sinking spell
Hair dried ( no pain incurred )
She asks again 'Hair gel?'
(Seriously?)'Don't be absurd!'
Face on, pleasant smell
Coffee time , much preferred
Time's run out,  a sweet fair well.
Carer gone, feelings interred..
Locked back inside my quiet cell

Bad Flare day -my conversation with God

Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Morning Prayer?
Here I lay
In my despair
Why not cry?
I just don't dare!
Tell me why?
Seems Unfair!
Feel unstable?
Friends beware!
So unable,
Needing care?
Feeling old
In disrepair?
It's so cold
Try leisure wear!
Wrap me up
With great care
Drained my cup
Played solitaire?
Alone again
Feel my light
Feel my pain
I hear your plight.

Suicidal thoughts of a goldfish..

Suicidal thoughts of a Amanda Sharp

Thursday, 7 April 2011 at 19:14 ·
Is this all there is
to life? swish, swish!
If I could have one wish...
I'd see you on your fancy dish!
if this is all  I accomplish
my life seems so amateurish
perhaps if I'd been born a sole
I'd be aiming for a higher goal
I see you dangle  fishing pole
I wonder if this will make me whole?
I feel as though I'm on parole
maybe, free,  I'd l lose control
pop down that famous rabbit hole,
In my bowl now cast aside
thought I'd be a pet of pride?
Recall my  mother as she cried
a little piece of her had died.
All I swim is  round and round,
dizzy spells cause thoughts profound.
Life's sweet mystery is drowned
Yet another swim abound.
Is this all there is
to life?  swish, swish!

So who do you want me to be now ?

Sunday, 1 May 2011 at 21:13 ·
So Who do you want me to be now? ..
The victim of a high speed crash?
A famous swimmer on a high board - splash!
A bored secretary handling petty cash?
A Mum whose moaning 'bout  nappy rash.

No! Had my Mum time when tandem feeding.
How  about cars?..  the pleasure of speeding?
Begging for mercy on my knees pleading?
Or is that the  Librarian lost in her  reading?
The smile on her face,nothing more than misleading!

An interpreter pondering, translating
The risk taker, off, tired of blind dating
The artist within , still painting, creating
The  woman within, ready and waiting

So what's in store in my next chapter?
will I escape my imaginary captor?
After all  have I not played the actor,
the great adapter?

When a childhood of abuse,
could have turned me into the perfect recluse.
Destiny leads me to a new awareness
Away from thoughts of life's unfairness.

Time now for a round of applause.
As I look from within for my own life cause.
So who do you want me to be now?
I am ready to take my final bow.

I Can't Amanda Sharp

Wednesday, 18 May 2011 at 16:08 ·
  • I Can't accept..I overslept!My curtains drawn, Annoying, yawn.
    Muscles spasm, to sarcasm.
    Tears now flowing, Red nose blowing.
    Body fizzing,aching. .grizzling.
    Wry neck, Rain check.
    Frozen shoulder , Feeling colder.
    Cup of tea , Time for me.
  • Mind racing, desperate pacing.
  • Slowly waking, bed making.
    Small evil claws
    cut deep. Another weep.
    Down the stairs, amongst the stares.
    Stumble, fumble.
  • Wheelchair ready, take it steady.
  • Out the door, tears, no more.
  • Keys in hand, smiling grand

Duck out of Water - fibroduck inspires a few words today :-)

Wednesday, 18 May 2011 at 16:12 ·

Ever felt like a duck out of water?
Wondered,if I should'a, outght'a?
Forgotten what you were about to do?
Been nudged for staring blankly too!
Found yourself loosing words in the middle of speaking?
Lost your voice and found yourself squeaking?
Ever wondered when the pain will end?
Always the trier always the friend.
Listened until you could listen no more.
Hugged until it felt like a chore.
Heard that ringing in your ears?
Tired of drowning in your fears
Waddled about with two left feet?
Flapped your arms when you can't sleep?
Noticed how your skin turns yellow?
It's okay , we know that fellow!
It's Fibroduck the new crusader
To remind us of, the evil invader [:'(]
"Fibromyalgia?" I hear you yell.
Oh yes ,sometimes it feels like hell.
But with a sense of humour we battle on
So come on ducks, let's waddle on!

This too shall Pass a mantra based upon Eckhart Tolle teachings and some other personal experiences and such ..

- Adapted for my MHUDS support group written  Wednesday, 15 June 2011 at 14:47 ·
When illness first creeps in your life
And threatens to employ
The very thoughts inside your head,
attacking its balance and Joy;
Or when anothers words
Threaten everything worthwhile,
With clouds of darkness and despair,
You may loose it for awhile;
Just bow your head in protest
Ignore what's in your past,
And tell yourself:
“This too, shall pass .”

When you are over-troubled
With life’s misery and gloom;
When you feel yourself so angry
You could beat 'em with a broom;
When yawns overcome you
And you yearn for one last rest,
Just coping with  the day leaves you
Discouraged and depressed;
You've lost that song within your heart;
As you walk across the grass;
So turn your thoughts to presence for
“This too, shall pass .”

When fate smiles upon you,
And your cup is overflowing;
When everything you wanted,
comes together, just 'knowing';
When days and weeks go flitting by
With happiness replete;
And you desire nothing more than solitude
To make your life complete;
Beware those tainted visions
As you look into your empty glass,
And hear again these comfort words:
“This too, shall pass.”

And so remember well these words,
'Let your diagnosis be',
For groups are ever changing
You'll find a friend , you'll see.
Our thoughts may  turn to sadness
As the sunshine disappears,
Anxiety,depression hide away
When MHUDS has calmed our fears.
Leave your troubles at the door,
This life is but one extended class.
We love our group, and yet we know
“This too, shall pass .”

Don't give up ..your pain not be just in your head !

DIARY : Saturday, 13 August 2011 at 14:10 ·
Please encourage anyone who has suffered long term headaches to persue a diagnosis - despite many MRIs and Ct scans since 2004 .. a very dangerous cavity infection was overlooked in my case and would urge anyone to as to see the actual scan and have a proper understanding of what is a normal scan and what to look out for  etc ..
The surgeon said he had never seen anything like it , those who operated on me were distressed and upset and I had 5 independent very apologetic doctors who insisted on an emergency biopsy ,and chronic abscess drainage , Iv treatment and another week long stay in a hospital bed  .
Now I have to wait 3-4 weeks for the main site of the infection to clear as there was no clear warning to this infection , it has eroded my frontal sinus and around the orbit of my eye and was steadily eating its way through the soft tissue protective layer to my brain . Sadly they lost the biopsy result so will undergo that again as soon as I am a but stronger . In the meantime what puzzled the doctors is how I have survived with the in my system for so long without so much as a fever. 

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Why do I refer to myself as a hummingbird?

Inspired by a you tube clip .Hummingbird story having been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I treated myself to a hummingbird lapel pin , I loved the clip - I hope you do too .
I began to blog with my first ever title 'I will be a Hummingbird too! - Will you?  '

Today I discovered sadly that my many hours of poetry,blogging and story telling have all been archived and so I have decided to start a fresh as much for my children and family as for myself and anyone else who is just curious .. so If you are reading this I hope you will bear with me and my fibrofog style of writing as I dart around much like a hummingbird ,just doing the best I can.
 I hope by blogging about my life I will inspire others to do their little bit too ,whatever  it is as you can see from the short clip it is far easier to stand by and watch, do nothing ..but take pride spread your wings  and keep adding those little drops of water never know what might happen next